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Apr. 6th, 2010 | 03:35 am

Can't sleep yet again.

It's strange. I've never had this problem before, and yet I have had difficulty falling asleep quite a few times within the past couple of weeks.

It's not that I'm stressed out. In fact, I would venture to say that this semester has undoubtedly turned into the least stressful semester of college that I have had so far.

I think it's because I'm just thinking about so many things. Right before bed is when I like to evaluate my life, and I guess that just gets really complicated.

I've tried to empty my mind and relax. Then I got up and warmed up some milk in the microwave. But still nothing. So I'm hoping that I'll tire myself out by finally updating this piece of shit, because maybe I'll purge myself of all my damn complicated thoughts and GO TO SLEEP.

My latest philosophical thought came to me while I was out running the other day (as most of my philosophical thoughts do). I was thinking about this project I had to do for my Anthropology class. The class is called "Expressive Cultures," and it's very interesting, if a little corny at times. I like to refer to it as my "Hippie Class" because we discuss lots of abstract social themes such as "sexuality" and "culture" and "dichotomies."

Anyway, for our project we were told to explore any topic of our choosing and create a piece of "expressive culture," then present it in front of the rest of the class. Inherently, I think the nature of the assignment and the class content resulted in a series of presentations that very scathingly criticized society. After watching the presentations each day, I left class feeling depressed about the world, because most of the themes centered around racism, sexism, desire for money and power, inhumane treatment, global warming, etc.

One of the presentations, however, was very different. It was a really simple PowerPoint presentation full of pictures of mothers and their children from all over the world - complete with sappy music and everything.

As soon as the PowerPoint finished, I couldn't help myself. I burst into tears, right in the middle of the classroom. Most likely it was the result of raging PMS and a recent hyper-emotional sensitivity. But I just kept thinking about how it's so true that motherly love is a universal phenomenon. And it made me feel so good to watch it after seeing nothing but disturbing images of African genocide and the objectification of women in the media.

What I'm trying to say is that sometimes I feel like I have to be an idealist to live in this world. Hearing about all the terrible things that are wrong with the world make me want to just throw the towel in and give up. I've heard almost all of it before. But sometimes I think the only thing that keeps me from getting completely depressed is the ability to see the best in people. LORD KNOWS WE ARE NOT PERFECT. And of course I know it's important to raise awareness about the world's problems and such. But I also think that the problems do not come from faceless, evil people with lots of money and power. I like to think that people aren't trying to hurt each other, they're just mostly not aware of what they're doing, or at least unsure of what they can do to change things realistically.

I know, I know. I'm naive and completely innocent, and I still have stars in my eyes about living in an ideal world. Maybe in ten years I'll laugh at myself. But I still think that the best way to go through life is with a positive perspective. Even if it is sappy.

Comments {3}


From: aries11
Date: Apr. 6th, 2010 01:17 pm (UTC)

You're not wrong or crazy for thinking that way. I think many of us convince ourselves that people just don't know better, and they just do these things because they think it's because it's what they're supposed to do. I don't believe that money is the root of all evil.

I think you have to keep a positive outlook on life. It's the only way you'll get through things. Sometimes I wonder if people think I'm naive for thinking that way, but it's true. I just can't let myself think that life is all bad. I have to know I can still smile about something at the end of the day.

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